


The Long Road

by JMoonrise



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baby Fic, Break Up, F/M, Gen, Love, Post-Episode: s09e19-20 The Truth, Post-The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008), Reunited and It Feels So Good, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-23 20:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14340381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMoonrise/pseuds/JMoonrise
Summary: "Are you in the car or are you out?"





	1. Chapter 1

_This is the way that we love,_  
_Like its forever,_  
_Then live the rest of our life,_  
_Both not together_

* * *

 

A ring placed carefully atop a letter sat on a nightstand awaiting for the sleeping figure to wake up and discover the contents the owner left behind.

When the first streams of light filtered through the musty motel room, the companion was in the next state figuring out their next step because they couldn’t go back.

 _“If you leave, don’t ever come back. I’m done.”_ The words stung and struck a chord because they were sincere. Anger and frustration flashed through green eyes, and the small figure backed up against the wall. _“We’ve played this game, and if you can’t accept what we’ve done, go back. Just a warning though, I’m not sure I will ever forgive you.”_

The woman nodded her comprehension of the man’s words. “ _Duly noted.”_ No words were exchanged between the two as they prepared for sleep.

It was around three when the woman slid out from the bed and stared at the man. At every stage in her life for the last ten years, he took up a huge fraction. He was everything. The intense feelings she felt for him were unlike anything she knew. Her previous relationships were on unequal footing, but here she had found someone who treated her like an equal. He respected her even when they disagreed on the fundamentals of a case. _Could she leave him?_

Their shared history contained joy, but there was an overall seeping of melancholic guilt.

Only weeks prior had she done the unforgivable. Contrary to the words out of his mouth, his thoughts were in his eyes.

Slowly she inhaled as she sat down to write.

 _Mulder,_ tears pooled in her bright blue eyes as the words suddenly came to her.

_I think it’s time we go our separate ways. Who are we kidding when we say such nonsense as a happy ending for us? The lives we’ve led in the past prevent us from capturing the joy we see in those around us. Those people, the ones we find ourselves envying for the naivety and innocence, they live in the light._

_Shadows follow us around, and sometimes we are submerged in the darkness. It takes a long time to find the dawn with night constantly surrounding us._

_I’ve thought about what to write since I woke up next to you. I stared at your face, and ran my fingers through your hair. I traced the contours of your face, preserving every detail to my tactile memory. I know your face by heart. I know your soul about as well as my own. We've survived through so much together. I don't want to survive my way through life. It's not living. It's finally time to get out of the car._

_What kind of future do we have? If what you say is true then in ten years the world is going to crumble at the feet of invaders. We are ill equipped to do anything about it, and no one would believe us now. We’ve been discredited about a million times now._

_I can see how our future will play out. I don’t want for us to resent each other. It’s inevitable with this sort of lifestyle. I love you too much for us to devolve into those people who can’t stand the sight of one another._

_Even with you mere feet away, I crave you. I need and want you so much, but I have to do this. Maybe one day you won’t hate me. I hate me._

_With all that I am, I love you more than words could say._

_Yours Always,_

_Dana_

The woman gathered her belongings. Quietly she placed the note next to the man and gently slid of the ring he bequeathed to her before everything. Without a last glance, she exited into the early morning.

* * *

 

 _This is the way you left me,_  
I'm not pretending,  
No hope, no love, no glory,  
No happy ending

_-Happy Ending, Mika_

 


	2. Chapter 2

_Wake up in the morning,_  
Stumble on my life,  
Can't get no love without sacrifice

The stillness of the room awakened his senses to her absence. At first he thought there was a chance she was in the bathroom or out to get food until he spotted the note and her wedding ring. Her belongings were gone, and it was almost as if she were never there in the first place.

There was a hint of a flowery scent lingering in the room, but he could attribute it to his memory and desire for her.

He couldn’t describe all of the emotions floating inside of him. So much was happening and he felt as if he felt the tightening of his lungs as he came to grips with her disappearance.

With trembling fingers, he picked up the note written in her delicate handwriting of swirls and loops. Tears dripped onto the paper as his eyes roamed from one line to the next. Reality was slowly sinking in. She wasn’t coming back. She couldn’t stay in the car after everything.

His first desire was to scream and rage as he had done in the past, but he wasn’t that man anymore. He hadn’t known what it was like to join with Scully, to hold her in his arms without the intent for direct comfort, to swallow her cries as they joined together. He hadn’t known what it was like to find the one person you were meant to be with all along.

His life was one lie and false lead after the next. He was a man on a mission without any clear intention to slow down and get out of the car as Scully asked. She asked for so little from him, and ultimately he failed to provide what he could.

Not for the first time, Fox Mulder regretted the choices his parents made that led him to his current path. If Scully was right, there was only one right choice all along and the rest were wrong. Everything led to this exact moment where he was utterly and completely alone.

From the age of twelve, strangers glanced at him curiously because he had been such a disconsolate boy. His face never shifted from complete despair. It took three years before a smile found its way onto his face. His pain was worn on his sleeve. His parents failed to protect him and his sister from the sinister going ons of the syndicate. Their lies over the years to protect a shadow government forced their only son into the mess, and their grandson became a sacrifice to the cause.

 _Where did it all end?_ He thought with a melancholy ache in his stomach.

The rage that consumed him in the past was from a version of him that never died. He never had to see the tears shed by the one woman destined to follow him until the end of time. He hadn’t broken her in all the ways a person could be emotionally devastated and put back together. The Fox Mulder of two years ago hadn’t come back to a life to find himself misplaced in a world that moved forward in his absence. He hadn’t discovered himself a father in the final months of a miracle pregnancy and didn’t have to live with the crippling guilt his life choices had done to the mother of his son and his son. He wasn’t him anymore, and it hurt in ways he couldn’t possibly explain to know one single event forever altered who he would be.

He buried his face in his hands as his body shook with the force of his sobs. He placed everyone’s suffering and pain on his shoulders because how couldn’t it be his fault. His parents faces displayed their view of his shared culpability in the disappearance of Samantha. Once he began to do it, it was hard to disabuse himself of the notion he was responsible for all the horrors that happened to people in his life. He was cursed to live a life with no positive end result.

Years he spent feeling the burden of his sister’s abduction until it unraveled revealing his parents’ involvement at the heart. They conspired and his father cracked underneath it all. He planned to inform his son of what occurred when the Syndicate permanently silenced him because he no longer had an allegiance to their mission. His mother ignored her remaining child and finally destroyed evidence of he and his sister existing.

Fox didn’t need to be a genius to know when she stared at him, she saw his little sister. They were far too similar in appearance, and it killed his mother inside to look at the one left behind. He wasn’t positive if it was a result of her own guilt or the heartache she suffered constantly knowing she would never raise her child.

 _William_.

A single thought wrought so many emotions from him. He hadn’t wanted to fully address the subject with Scully because he saw the bitterness, sadness, and complete devastation resulting from giving away their child on her face every day for the last three weeks.

The memories he held onto during his year in isolation were his comfort. He remembered the devotion on her face, how her eyes sparkled brighter than he had seen them, how she admitted the depth of her feelings for him. She was all in blood and everything else. She had just given birth, and she was glowing. It wasn’t her outer beauty showing, but her inner beauty. She never believed him when he commented on what he loved about her.

He was aware from the first case how physically attractive she was, but it wasn’t what drew him to her. In the past, he allowed himself to be seduced by experienced, attractive women. With her, he played the slow burn. He used cheesy lines and lame jokes to hide the love in his heart.

It was a spark in the beginning. Overtime it grew to be a flame in the darkness, guiding him in the right direction, always protecting him and having his back. Her note was a bucket of water. The embers remained glowing brightly, but needing something to stoke the flame. She was gone, and he knew this time she wouldn’t come back. Too many times they chased after each other, but it had to stop somewhere.

She was right. She couldn’t have a life with a convict.

Mulder pushed himself off the bed and threw open the door as his lungs constricted painfully. He needed air. It seemed no matter how many times he inhaled, it would never be enough.

The air humid and left a sticky residue on his skin as took in his surroundings. Normally a dry heat was associated with the area, but since their arrival, there was a moistness in the air.

In the early morning lighting, the rock formations appeared almost purple instead of a dusty red. It was scenic in a way, and his heart ached from his inability to enjoy the moment.

Strangely enough he was expecting it after their discussion the previous night, and he didn’t blame her for finally making the decision to go.

None of this was her cross to bear. He took up the quest and constantly dragged her around, expecting her to be like him, to believe. He recalled her question from a few weeks ago: _believe in what?_

After his brief tryst with death, he lost his path and wasn’t sure what quest he was following. In many ways he wanted revenge from what was stolen from him. Almost an entire year of his life was taken because of some abnormal brain function and his never-ending journey for the truth. What a farce it all turned out to be because in the end what could he do?

2012 was still some ten years away, but he was wanted by the government. His closest friends were deceased. His former boss unable to provide assistance after helping to break him out of military holding. And he didn’t want to think about the other person gone from his life now.

He was surprised by the amount of time it took her to realize he was poison in her life. His mere presence wreaked havoc on her life.

He slumped against the brick of the building. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. What did he do now? He had resources. His money was scattered through multiple offshore accounts and unbeknownst to Scully at the time, the bag she grabbed for him had an envelope full of a couple thousand dollars. He wasn’t in the poor house, but he was still part of America’s Most Wanted.

“What a fucking mess,” he pounded his fist into the cement, ignoring the resulting throbbing in his hand.

“You can say that,” an unfamiliar voice interrupted. “I’ve been searching for you for a few weeks Fox Mulder. You’re hard to find.”

Stormy green eyes glanced up to find an older man about twenty years old than himself smirking with a cigarette perched at the opening of his lips. He wore a black suit and black sunglasses covered his eyes.

He supposed he was bound to be found. “How the fuck did you find me?” He tried to bury the quiver in his voice. If he were caught death would be quick and painful. The goal was to teach a lesson about interfering in plans greater than himself. He no longer feared death, but in fact openly embraced the inevitable relief and release from his life.

“We have our ways.” He answered with a puff of smoke. “You’ve met some of my colleagues in the past.” His accent was definitely of the London variety, but Mulder couldn’t place the specific section.

Tears fell unabashedly from his eyes and he offered himself up to death. “I’m not going to kill you Fox.” A sigh escaped the man at the confusion in Mulder’s eyes. “It was never part of our agenda to assassinate you. Unfortunately, factions have broken out and there’s no one group calling the shots anymore.”

The man ushered Mulder into the dank motel room. “I see Agent Scully has left. She’ll stay off the grid for a while, making it difficult to track her.”

Mulder’s jaw clenched tightly. “What do you want with her?” He gritted out, his eyes swarming with anger and protection. “Haven’t you guys done enough shit to her?”

“We do not wish to harm her. You’re biological father and his allies were an exception. It was his goal to destroy you by trying to take everything away from you. Her abduction and your subsequent retrieval of her from Antarctica was a major blow to them. They wanted to break you and her absence from your work would’ve detracted your focus. You barely survived the first time.”

Mulder studied the man and noted his body language. He was relaxed, the lines on his face barely noticeable, and his brown eyes calm. There was no perspiration to indicate lying, although he knew from experience these men didn’t have outward signs to show their deceit. They hid behind cool countenances and pretty words.

“Why should I trust anything you have to say?” His hand was itching to retrieve his weapon from under his pillow.

The man regarded him thoughtfully for a moment as if never having seen anything like him in his life. “I’ve admired you for quite sometime.” Mulder’s eyebrows shot up in astonishment, and he cursed himself for his inability to control his reactions. “Everyone underestimated you, especially in the beginning. They never imagined the lengths you would go to discover the truth of what happened to your sister and what the Syndicate was doing behind the scenes. You’re resourceful, stubborn, determined, and most of all motivated. You’ve never allowed yourself to be swayed by the other side, and I must applaud you on that count.”

Mulder didn’t bite. He knew a man with ulterior motives when he saw him. “I am still waiting on an explanation for your presence here and why you haven’t killed me?”

“I was an associate of your father’s, Bill.” He clarified at the defiant expression on Mulder’s face. “We were young men filled with hubris and drunk on the knowledge we alone possessed. We would be able to survive the coming destruction of the world, and let me tell you it felt powerful to us. It was when we were forced to give up our relatives that factions began to split us. Men like your father distrusted the aliens and for good reason. Aside from their word, we didn’t actually have confirmation we would be protected. Many willingly gave up spouses and children to the cause.” A sadness swept over the man’s face before being replaced once more with a calm serenity.

“We were convinced it was the right decision. Your father couldn’t choose and I’m sure your aware what happened. He was punished for it. He was hard to understand at times, but he loved you and your sister. What Spender did was cruel and ultimately destroyed your father. Those of us that remain having been working together to prevent the invasion.”

Mulder snorted at the absurdity of his bold statement. The irony of the situation was too much for him, and he began to laugh. He didn’t notice the salty liquid coating his cheeks as everything seemed to catch up to him as he wept into his arms. He followed in the steps of both of his fathers as a failure.

The older man continued to regard him stoically. He sensed an emotional upheaval in the man young Fox became. “I want you to know you’re not them. Your fathers made bad decisions. Pride and cleverness are terrible combinations. One thing I’ve observed about you is your lack of pride. You’re self-deprecating to the point where it is beyond reproach. You’re a clever man, but you’ve lacked the confidence to stand behind your convictions. You put on a decent front, but anyone who knows you is well aware it is an act. Bill and Spender played their games, and Bill ultimately lost and pulled himself out. Spender attempted to groom you as his heir, but Fox there’s something inside of you neither man ever had.” Mulder stared at him with skepticism in his glassy moss colored eyes. “Fox, you’re a decent human being. You have a sense of right and wrong, and don’t play the rules of other people’s games. It’s quite a unique quality.”

“A lot of good it’s done me.”

“I want you to come with me. I have something to show you that’ll help you instill trust in me. I understand you’re paranoid, so you’re free to have a gun on me. I won’t hold it against you, but there’s something you need to see.”

Fox Mulder, not for the first time in his life, was at a crossroads. He could choose to follow the man in front of him, or he could disappear. He wondered not for the first time the brevity of human life. Neither option at this point guaranteed the continued existence of his life.

Yet his overwhelming curiosity, which was a direct cause of his current situation was begging him to go with this man. He would regret his decision if he didn’t.

 _This is the hardest story,_  
That I have ever told,  
No hope, or love, or glory,  
Happy endings gone forever more

_-Happy Ending, Mika_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a bit of a time jump, but we'll find out more about the past through flashbacks.


End file.
